<![CDATA[ - BLOG]]>Wed, 14 Mar 2018 21:01:33 -0700Weebly<![CDATA[power humanifesto]]>Thu, 08 Mar 2018 16:06:44 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/power-humanifesto
Spiritual Energy System by Alex Grey
Let’s face it, humanity at large is in a bit of a power crisis.

Ok, in a major one.
This power crisis can be found in all major systems: political, economical, educational, judicial, financial, social, religious, medical, and so on.

Let’s imagine the entire Earth as one human body, naming him/her/they “EarthBody”.
The aforementioned societal systems are EarthBody’s digestive, endocrine, respiratory, reproductive, nervous systems, and so on.

As a Soma Practitioner I’m particularly keen on focusing on the nervous system- or the way we communicate intelligence in our body. This type of intelligence I will equate to consciousness, where awareness provides knowledge, a pathway, to travel with information on how to best act. These communication pathways are what connects everyone and everything in this web of life on our EarthBody.

Zooming our lens out and looking at EarthBody’s nervous system as a whole, we are still predominantly operating in a fear-based survival mode competing over external resources in a hyper-reactive or chronically repressed state of being. Just glance at the news.

And this is not news.

We have built our entire nation of the “United” States on a foundation of false power.

(Please listen to Seeing White Podcast to learn about the true American Story).

False power thrives on power-over (oppressor) and power-under (oppressed) dynamics based on the dangerous myth of survival of the fittest.  

This way of existing on survival mode creates a very stressed, energy deficient, violent, sleep deprived, hungry, unsatisfied, dis-eased, depressed, very distracted, reckless and traumatized EarthBody.

This then translates down to the individual nervous systems where many of us are suffering from the same symptoms of dis-ease and imbalance of power based on external resources.

Our Systemic Earthbody Stress Disorder impacts all of us since we are all connected- but mostly impacts populations and individuals who are and have been oppressed in their bodies because of their bodies.

Specifically in the context of the U.S. among indigenous, POC, transgendered, queer, differently-abled, women, elder and young bodies.    

Our "American Dream" sounds more like a nightmare.
(insert Debbie Downer cue).

But wait!

There is hope.

Right now there are highly intelligent healthy individual cells growing on EarthBody that are sending vital energy into the whole nervous system by plugging into true power.

Let’s call these ‘Waking Cells’.

These Waking Cells are extremely contagious and are spreading the way of true power to every cell on EarthBody.

What is true power?

True power is within each of us.
True power is internally sourced.

The source of true power exists so deep within each of us that it cannot be stolen or lost.

WE humans are the individual cells on the EarthBody! We have the capacity with our consciousness to become aware of and masters of our true power.

By waking up to this Truth.
Human Geometry by Alex Grey
For many of us, our true power source has been blocked.

Why has it been blocked?

For external misuse or abuse of power. The power-over and power-under game of stealing external resources for personal gain.

This is False power.

False power is outside of us.
False power is externally sourced.

Even though false power is false, it is very REAL. And has a REAL negative, traumatic impact on bodies who are oppressed by this false power.

Just as "RACE" is false- it was created to divide and conquer the labor force- specifically Black slaves in the U.S.- for profit for the white land owners, race is very REAL.

The negative impact of the false-power constructs of race are still traumatizing our EarthBody, and specifically Black American bodies today.

We must see this American TRUTH to truly heal.

To understand the intentional complexities of this American history please listen to:
Seeing White Podcast with John Biewen and Dr. Chenjerai Kumanyika.
Endarkenment by Alex Grey
False power sources are created by:
fear, greed, ignorance, scarcity, evolution.

This last reason, evolution, is our saving grace with this power crisis. Because we can consciously choose to evolve and learn from the past false power plays.

But first we have to be brave enough to see it and how we are a part of this Systemic Earthbody Stress Disorder.

We must wake up within this American Dream. And become lucid creators.

Or, we can choose to perpetuate the shame and blame game sourced by false power.

Choice is power.

And if we individually choose to plug into our true power- NO MATTER WHAT THE EXTERNAL CIRCUMSTANCES ARE- this will eventually dismantle the patriarchal game which is dependent on our false power. And dependent on us individual cells to be separate from each other.

The more we play into the false power game, the more the 'divide and conquer' agenda will play out.
We are more intelligent than that.
Universal Mind by Alex Grey
Imagine our life force, chi, spirit, prana, vertical tube, or whatever you want to call ‘It’, is a river flowing inside each of us.

Imagine this river would normally flow freely throughout our bodies providing us with the most efficient, clear, clean, self-regenerative and creative power.


 Our river is dammed.

This dam is redirecting our true power for the benefit of external use- false power.

This dam lives in our pelvis, in the core of our being, and was placed by external ‘authorities’ for the generation of false power.

Our internal dam is unconsciously and consciously placed by external authorities. These internal dams generate shame, guilt and scarcity.

Some examples of external authorities that create false power may include:

our parents, our families, our lovers, our partners, our exes, our ‘gurus’, our community, our teachers, our doctors, our religious leaders, our celebrities, our politicians, our institutions, our culture, our religion, our media, our education, our ideology, our…(insert your own), you get the point.

Basically, any external relationship with a power dynamic can perpetuate false power. Which is pretty much all relationships.


But here’s the kicker. As long as we’re engaged in this false externally-focused power game too, we do the same damming in all of our relationships.

Double damn.

Just as we are damming up our EarthBody’s rivers, creating a temporary power source that has major long-term consequences on our entire ecosystem, we are damming up our own bodies.


We can choose to undam and let the powers within flow freely once again.


By unplugging from external false power sources based on blame or shame. By waking up to our true power and taking responsibility for our own unique pathways that are already mapped from within us.

To wake up our human beingness, we each have within us our unique being.

To be with the environment, to be with each other and to be with this entire EarthBody. This true power beingness comes from being uniquely our own being. Waking up to the gift of life given to each of us and gifting our unique Genius back to life.
Happy by Alex Grey
How do we access our unique Genius?

By re-sourcing to our deep well of wisdom within the reservoir of our own body. Deep into the core of our being, located in the cauldron of our pelvis. Where every human emerged from this source.
Spiritual Ascension by Alex Grey

This is our holy grail.

And when we are still enough to tap into the source within our own body, deep down in the core of our pelvis, our intelligence blooms and we wake up to our true power.

If we have the privilege to consciously choose how to redirect our power, we have the responsibility to.


Power-With Practices:

1. Trust our inner guidance. This requires practice of deep listening, and often means taking time to be alone to know our uniqueness within the whole. Alone time becomes all-one time.

2. Wake up our cells! By waking up our individual body, and every cell in our body to its unique potential, we become Waking Cells on EarthBody. This requires deep listening to discern what we uniquely need to wake up. To trust our inner guidance, the feeling sense beyond any external stimulation.

 3. Pay attention to how our thoughts, actions, words are participating in any false power-over (oppressor) or power-under (oppressed) dynamics. Choose to be true powered-with by being radically honest and transparent with ourself and others.

4. Forgive ourselves and those who’ve participated in this false power game- WHEN WE’RE READY. Healing trauma or pain from abused or misused power requires sincerity and clarity to not bypass the process. Only then we can truly free ourselves by releasing old narratives and limiting beliefs that participate in this false power story.
5. Re-write our story with true power. Become our own AUTHORity of our unique, creative, soulful life.

6. Self Love. Respect, appreciate and celebrate the uniqueness that is US in our precious physical body. How we treat our individual body represents how we treat all of Earth’s body. Self care is sexy.

7. Love as action, not reaction. Moving forward in all our relationships-  including ALL life- with true power sourced from within. Creating pathways that benefit all life.

We're in this alone, together.
And we're in this together, alone.

Alone=All One
Sophia by Alex Grey
<![CDATA[Thank you luck dragons of 2017]]>Sun, 31 Dec 2017 20:25:27 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/thank-you-luck-dragons-of-2017
Falkor the Luck Dragon
Thank You Luck Dragons of 2017.

2017 filled me with a dynamic blend of trust and confidence in the Great Mystery through humbling lessons and beauty. In response to our collective unrest and loud wake up call to pay attention and act, I needed to examine how my own drama and trauma was showing up in my inner and outer reality. So I danced with my shadows and plunged into the thick bog of my own feminine pain body on my quest for empowerment, authenticity and Truth. I was able to dive deep into my own abyss because I am supported by a net of light- woven by seen and mostly unseen threads that cannot be understood by my logical (left hemisphere) mind.

I needed to embody these layers of self, identity, arche/stereotypes- to unveil and liberate my Self. Still liberating. Still integrating.

I relate my layers of psyche to my favorite childhood movie- The NeverEnding Story- to see how I’m playing all the characters within my own neverending story of consciousness.

When I’m playing my self-cast role of Atreyu- the warrior on a mission to save the Empress of Fantasia from the scary Nothingness that is threatening the imaginal realm because no one is dreaming anymore (the imaginal realm is the mythos, right hemisphere of mind)- I can find myself stuck in my own swamp of sadness and completely lost. No one else is allowed to pass through this phase of the journey. Everything must go. All the attachments. One must release all the layers of self and to feel completely powerless and separate from the whole.
The Swamp of Sadness
In these most desperate moments when I’m sinking in my emotions and believe I won’t make it through and I know deep inside no one will save me from my own suffering, I surrender. I choose to surrender to some Greater Mystery. And it’s in those moments life graces me with a luck dragon- a real life embodiment of Falkor- to help me see beyond my limitations and gain new perspectives and have a chuckle at my own human condition. This is the grand paradox- feeling entirely powerless and humbled when appearing to be on mission as a warrior of Truth and purpose, and only after one is stripped from any ego/armor and vulnerable can Grace enter with miracles. I am the most blessed human in my own NeverEnding story for such miracles.

So today, before we enter into 2018, I’m reflecting back on some of my most potent Luck Dragon experiences of 2017. Some of these Dragons appeared when I was in my own swamp of sadness, some appeared when I was already on mission to create my dreams and purpose. And I acknowledge these Luck Dragons have their own complex layering of characters and phases beyond my casting them in this story as simply Luck Dragons. And I also acknowledge some of these Luck Dragon moments seemed to happen from pure luck, but most happened as a result from cultivating deep, intimate and authentic relationships over the years. And other moments happened from broadcasting sincere messages from my heart. From prayer.  

For linear times sake- I will not capture all the Luck Dragons in my life in this post. So for those not specified, please know that Luck Dragons exist in the mythos, the realm beyond our ordinary laws of space and time, and you carry deep significance in my heart beyond this slice of 2017 recognition.

For those reading, may we all real-eyes we are all our own authors, readers and characters in our NeverEnding Story.  So long as we're choosing to play in this game of consciousness.

Happy New Year.
My Soma Series and Beyond Luck Dragon: Alex
Thank you for sharing your gift of presence and listening during our Soma series. You reminded me of the power of possibility with movement with grace, and I appreciate all the times we shared this year with Soma, walks and asking the bigger questions about life, love and authenticity. Thank you for being vulnerable and real and sharing that gigantic heart of yours. Your gifts continue to positively impact how I move and see through my more aligned, integrated body. 

My Lyra Luck Dragon: Amber
Thank you for bringing your positive attitude in the vertical plane with me as we got to duo for a bit on the Lyra. I love playing with new pathways of movements and getting to share both our love for aerial arts and yoga this year. I'm grateful you came to Doe Bay and we shared our pleasurable/painful growth in flexibility class. I am excited to see how we continue to dream together in 2018!

My Beloved Dream All the Things Real Partner Luck Dragon: Andreas
Thank you for turning in, even when I'm in my darkest swampiest of places. Thank you for sharing your world with me- especially your beautiful son Tavi- and for cocreating our dream life together filled with embodied adventures, travel, yoga, piano, trapeze, cooking in copper pots and gardening. This was a big year of challenge and growth for us- co-facilitating our first yoga and biking retreat in Ireland, moving in together, sharing quality family time in Montana and Wild Horse Island, performing our first trapeze act together, traveling in Positano and Dordogne for Embodied Adventures. You are my Fire Dragon. And I, your Water Pig. 

My Dream Loft Luck Dragon: Christian Hogan
Thank you for dancing all weird with me at Matt Drew's party. That fateful evening led us to sharing Soma and now I live in my dream loft home thanks to you. I thought the impossible dream of living in a space big enough for Andreas, Tavi and I in Capitol Hill with tall enough ceilings to rig trapeze was waaaaay out of reach. But then you followed your own trajectory of inner guidance, and voila! A miracle. I am forever grateful you've entered my life and we continue to share spontaneous moves together. Plus you ARE a Dragon!

My Mystery School Luck Dragon: Christian Martin

Thank you for mysteriously gifting me the awareness of divine timing and potency of images and music. This summer when I was in one of my swamps of sadness and I almost lost my photos in the compost, they were found. I was found. Got found. Again. Thanks to you and your love. I'm grateful to be in this Mystery WITH you. And that our 3rd times a charm for CloZee was a wonderful Christiando to this year.

My Performing Arts Luck Dragon: Kaili aka Isobella Bloom
Thank you for guiding me into the realm of character work and photography and supporting every one of my aerial performances with your artistic directing and encouragement. Thank you for introducing me to Rhiannon Brunnett and the two of you cocreating a year-long photo project for my Virgin Whore Bitch Witch course- which I’m currently writing a separate post just about this project and my gratitude for you so stay tuned... Thank you for expanding my imagination and embodying the potency of storytelling. Thank you for joining me in Italy and sharing your magic.

My Psychic Medium Luck Dragon: Jasmine
Thank you for validating my inner reality with your gifts of seeing, and your way of articulating the layers and layers. Your serendipitous presence lifted me from my swamp of sadness and we've been traveling in vertical timelines ever since, and I am humbled and honored to be in this embodied experience with you. Thank you for sharing your truth and authenticity and positively impacting my life beyond words.

My Ongoing Soma Luck Dragons: Jeff and Stephen
Thank you both for guiding me deeply into my body through our Soma exchanges and providing me space for healing and education. You both individually have helped me grow in my technique from your honest feedback and guidance. Jeff- thank you for sharing your expertise in movement education and constantly widening my bodymind to the possibilities of new pathways. Our mentorship is invaluable. And Stephen- thank you for opening me to the magic of meridians and trusting our experiments to expand our intuitive guidance. 

My Celtic Luck Dragon: Mary
Thank you for journeying 5 hours to meet us in Killarney during our Ireland Yoga and Biking Retreat. Thank you for sincerely and authentically sharing your Celtic spiritual connection with the land of Ireland, for inviting us into the rituals with choice, for embodying the welcoming nature of Celtic tradition, for allowing the teachings the space and time to sink in, for gifting us with a Celtic Blessing before our biking journey. Your generosity of spirit continues to spiral and weave in my everyday consciousness and I trust our paths will meet again.

My Design Luck Dragon: Nadja
Thank you for offering your exquisite design and brand help for my Virgin Whore Bitch Witch course materials. Your generosity of time and energy has positively impacted this course and all those who lay their eyes and hands on your design. You truly leveled up my offering and I am blessed to have you help materialize these inner visions with your BEAUTY LOVE and COLOR.

My Social Justice HeartWombMate Luck Dragon Wife: Lo
Thank you for trusting me to travel externally and internally this year- to both Ireland AND Italy, and for all the layers of learning that have come from these experiences. Thank you for wearing Brigid's cloak that is wide enough to hold the whole spectrum. Thank you for relentlessly being on- and beyond- the threshold for positive change in the social justice realm as a warrior of wisdom. Thank you for positively impacting the culture of 8 Limbs to reflect the necessary change of focus and direction for our collective consciousness. Thank you for being in this sometimes sloppy swampy awakening together, as heartwombmates. Thank you for practicing with me to move beyond our hungry ghosts together and finding some fresh air in our Tweedle Dee and Dum moments.

My Impeccable Ho’oponopono Luck Dragon Wife: Kanti
Thank you for sharing your practices of forgiveness and right-relationship with me and our community this year. I'm blessed I got to witness and participate in your Ho'oponopono sharing of forgiveness at Fluidity and Eclipse Festivals this year. Thank you for journeying across the pond to Italy and having the necessary and relevant conversations about pono. Thank you for helping me forgive myself and move toward right relationship with our bodies, our land, our world.

My Compassionate Luck Dragon Wife: Karuna
Thank you for helping me with your Karuna compassion this year. By understanding the complexities of sharing space with others, and to find that verticality of Self. Thank you for showing me the power of deep internal listening and for following that guidance. You inspire me to continue digging, feeling and creating deliberately with no fear. Specifically thank you for helping me see through my swamps of sadness and to have self compassion, for sharing part of my reality.

My Waking Up Luck Dragon: Lee Kaufman
Thank you for keeping it grounded, simple and real. Thank you for helping me see my own illusions, for the conversations and insights. For reminding me to go further. To complete my work. Thank you for helping me see and integrate. Thank you for spontaneously appearing in divine timing and offering potent words and reflection. And thank you for the tips on chocolate making!

My Authentic Financial Warrior Luck Dragon: Maketa
Thank you for asking the right questions at the right time and demonstrating the power of authenticity. Specifically, thank you for being present and compassionate in Rome when I was swirling in a financial swamp of sadness. Thank you for your generosity and for demonstrating the power and bravery of truly doing your inner work.

My Magic-is-Real Luck Dragon: Orbit
Thank you for reminding me this year that magic is real, and it resides within our deep respect for matter as can be demonstrating in serving Oolong tea. Specifically when we were serving tea at Imagine, your presence and invitation reminded me of the power of the unseen. Thank you for Will-ingly going deep beneath the surface to access true magic with humbleness of spirit.

My Grounded and Confident Brilliant Medicine Wife Luck Dragon: Reya
Thank you for sharing your brilliant medicine in so many ways. Your ability to deeply listen, and move from a grounded centered place with your heart focused on the pure potential of humanity is beyond words. You brought Dragon magic to my life, and I'm forever grateful. This year you were my luck dragon by listening, and bringing me into deeper trust of my Self. Our journey to Eclipse and practicing being in the field. Allowing and trusting that inner guidance. Specifically- thank you for finding me in the bathroom in Rome during one of my swamps of sadness and bringing my shadow into the light of consciousness to collectively learn. That moment shifted me on a quantum level. You got to the point, and you know just how to precisely poke to find liberation. 

My Yoga Retreat and #1 Mystic Luck Dragon Wife: Terilyn
Thank you for being my coconspirator in so many ways this year. For being my biggest edge-walking champion and trusting me to cofaciliate two yoga retreats with you. Thank you for welcoming all of me- my deepest darkest shadow of doubt and my goofy playful fool. I am so blessed to be sharing this life with you in so many ways. Sharing our Doe Bay Welcome the Spring women's yoga retreat was empowering and beautiful. And then getting to travel to Italy together and co-facilitate our retreat in Positano was life changing. I'm honored to be cocreating this Brave Life WITH you. 

My Sophia Stephens Luck Dragon Wives
Thank you for being part of this Sense6 collective energy that is so much bigger than us individually. Thank you for laying your healing hands on my body after I plunged deep into my feminine pain body in Ireland. Thank you for showing up to my aerial performances. Thank you for showing me the power of intimacy through sharing our shadow (only 10%!) and light and learning together in this 5D/3D reality. Thank you for saying YES, for showing me the power of sovereignty in our collective, for providing me purpose and support. Thank you for helping me rewrite my connection to the feminine collective with compersion, forgiveness, compassion, and Self love.

<![CDATA[she's a virgin]]>Fri, 15 Sep 2017 13:44:50 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/shes-a-virgin
Photo: ThisisRhi.com Style: IsobellaBloom.com Model: Em
Imagine a world where everyone was touched for the very first time…with clear consent.

Where we know our innocent, pure wonder is free and wild and powerful. Not naive and powerless to those who want to grab, have or control It.

Where being touched for the very first time is met with appreciation and respect, and we experience this Virginal wonder again and again and again no matter our age or gender.

Imagine a world where every birth came from immaculate conception.

And then all of our concepts would be immaculate. What a concept!

And what if immaculate conception is simply saying YES. No question.
Yes by accepting the dance between the male seed meeting the female egg for creation. For two beings to say YES in the dance of flesh and spirit to create new life.

Imagine a world where the story of conception included the truth that the sperm does not penetrate the egg for a victorious WIN as if it were an entitled conqueror. And it also doesn't include the impossibly man-ipulative egg to get what she wants before opening up.

Rather the immaculate story of conception is the sperm and egg meet and greet, and only after some magical agreement they fuse together. And we accept this mystery as birthing more confusion (con=with, fusion=together) within this Divine Comedy.

Imagine a world where Virginity could never be ‘taken’ from any girl or woman.

Where this immaculate concept of a clear consenting YES was the requirement for any being to enter the great mystery of our Universe.

Imagine a world where every mother was celebrated and respected as the Mother of God.

And we knew the true meaning of Virgin is she who's married to her own spirit, not celibate.

Imagine a world where our minds automatically pictured the Black Madonna as the Virgin Mary.

And we honored our roots.

Imagine a world where we were all free of shame in our bodies because we know we were chosen. And we all belong.

Imagine a world where we can all be at home within our bodies because we know we are safe, protected and free.

Free to express the fullness of our unique being in our unique bodies without fear of judgment or violence for being simply our authentic selves. By being weird, or ‘other’.

Where we know we are all the sons, or suns, of God. Emanating our unique light.

Imagine a world where we all authorize our own ‘Story of Creation’.

Where we each contribute our own unique verse to the uni- or multi-verse. Versions and versions and versions of reality.

Imagine a world where our history was ourstory, and all the invisible voices were heard. Where all the invisible faces were seen. And our collective story was told in the most rich, faceted, complex, nuanced and beautiful tones.

Imagine a world where the Darwinian Story of Evolution was Thrival of the Fairest.

Where the story captured the truth of cooperation, clear communication and generosity as evolutionary advantages over competition, scarcity and greed.

Imagine a world where The Word came from our inner AUTHORity.

And we could read the between the lines of the NeverEnding stories.


You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

Because WE have a Dream.

So let's wake up within this shared Dream as lucid weavers.
Let's coAUTHORIZE a new Creation story that's more creative.


We embrace the CON-FUSION.
By letting go of what we thought to be true to enter a new beginning. With curiosity. A new page.
But this new page will not simply be white-washed. This will be a messy, uncomfortable and often painful creative process. Just like birth.

By releasing all the old stories stored in our minds that perpetuate shame and blame and 'other'. Unlearning. Erasing the lines that divide. Clearing our lens.

By releasing all the dams of shame within our body. Rewilding our primal, creature selves.

By releasing all the fingers of blame pointing at each other. Being accountable for our own actions and slowing down to BREATHE before re-acting.
By redistributing the pens, the lens, the frames, the microphones to those who've been silenced and invisible for too long in our collective story. Specifically to those bodies who've been targeted as 'other' in our American society: differently abled bodies, native bodies, non-white bodies, young and elderly bodies, Jewish and Muslim and other non-Christian bodies, poor and working class bodies, immigrant and refugee bodies, LGBTQ bodies, and female bodies.
And for those of us who've been the loudest and most visible in our history and benefit the most from our current society to date, we listen. We unlearn. We do our own emotional work to release our guilt, our shame, our fragility so we can truly show up and be with each 'other' and see the whole story. And we combine our various, unique privileges and practice loving action throughout our confusion because we know we ALL belong.
We begin by cocreating a new, embodied language. Words that build bridges, not walls. Through compassion, through transparency. By having real conversations where we really hear each other by asking sincere questions and being open to the answers. By being authentic, vulnerable, brave. Practicing sacred reciprocity. Clear. Consent.

And we truly begin by being touched for the very first time by each 'other'.*

*When I say ‘touched’ I don't imply just the act of sex, as Madonna's lyrics might. Rather, here I mean all actions. All transactions. All interactions.

We begin by honoring every exchange of energy between every living being as if it were the first- and last- time.

Touched by each other's uniqueness, innocence, wonder, preciousness, Genius. Touched by divinity beneath all the stories. Touched by inviting in every touch with curiosity, clarity and sincerity.

Like a Virgin.
How do YOU want to coauthorize our Creation story? Please share your own lens, ideas, and unique Genius here.

Photo: ThisisRhi.com Style: IsobellaBloom.com Model: Em
<![CDATA[she's a witch]]>Mon, 10 Apr 2017 07:00:00 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/shes-a-witch
Photo: ThisisRhi.com Style: IsobellaBloom.com Model: Em
My grandma Roxie tried to offend me when I was young.

​Actually, she still tries.
You live in Seattle? Ugh. It’s gotta be the worst place on Earth.
Why's that, Grandma? 
Full of traffic and liberals.
Widowed twice, for much of her later life Grandma Roxie lived alone in her tiny house in the woods among a collection of classic cars. One including a '56 Thunderbird. When I was a little girl every time I walked behind the parked T-Bird, Grandma would point to the shiny metallic spare tire located at the trunk and warn me:
Don’t look too close or you’ll see a Witch!  Muah haha. 

Also true.
I appreciated Grandma Roxie for this reflection. I thought this was the highest compliment she could give me. 

Witches, to me, are the archetype of wise medicine women who are untamable and uncontrollable. They are our connection to our own magic, our wildness, our inner crone intuition. Our inner Witch teaches us how to honor and respect the cycles and rhythms in our body, the environment and the collective body of Earth. She is our power with time. Time beyond our linear sense of it. Time as a feeling, a knowing of when to begin, continue and end. Time for healing through self forgiveness. Time to learn from our past by being fully present in our now to determine our future. She is our Grandmother energy. Embodying the type of respect one can only earn through the quality of time and space. We all have access to our own inner Witch for power-with time to become our own healer. We just need to be brave to go deep within our own mysteries and into the wonder. Where it's dark.   

Healing, especially at the family root, requires time. Requires space. And requires a willingness to confront the darkness. Deep below the surface, underground, into the shadows. Into our internal reality. The unseen, felt sense that bends our timeline with memory and potency. This is how I'm healing my relationship with Grandma Roxie.  


Roxie, a smoker most her life, had to move from her wooded dwelling into an assisted living place. She now relied on oxygen tubes and caregivers.

But not just any caregiver...  

The news of Roxie moving into my mom's caregiving unit shook my mother to her core. Roxie was my mom's arch nemesis, and vice versa. From the moment my mom got knocked up at age 16 by Roxie's precious only son Gus, she had a vendetta against my mom, my older brother, my younger sister and certainly toward me. 

You don't understand. My ex mother-in-law hates me! I cannot be near this woman. My mom confessed to her colleagues. 

But even if we try to avoid our scariest shadows, life can play quite the game at positioning us smack dab in the middle of them. 

And so the healing slowly began.

Months rolled by and little by little Roxie and my mom evolved from avoidance to cordial moments. A combination of time, space, my mom's huge heart and Roxie's health forcing her to become sober transformed their previously toxic dynamic. Quick glances turned into Roxie requesting (demanding) only my mom for her care.

This same woman, who said so many nasty things to my mom for the 18 or so years she was married to my dad, was now relying on my mother's grace for care. 


Speaking of grace.

Friday I had the honor of celebrating the life of one of the most gracious Grandmothers I'd ever met: Mary E. Also known as Grandmere to Max.  

Max is my (I don't know what to call him...former high school sweetheart? On and off partner for over 14 years?? Soulmate I met in 2nd grade???). I'll just say Max because labels are limiting. And saying 'my' indicates ownership and I certainly don't own Max or anyone for that matter. 

Max and I were going to get together last weekend for the first time in a while, but plans changed with the news of Grandmere passing. She was 98. 

So fate-or death- brought us together in a different way. It was the first time seeing Max's family in a while, and time passed is measured by the change in children. Like seeing his "little" cousin who I nannied when he was 4 now a young- and very tall- gentleman at 19.  

I entered the Catholic church and sat in the back pew with our friend Randall and attempted to follow, or at least respect, the traditions. I swallowed my giggles while aiming to sing along with the high pitched hymns.

I was able to really pray when tradition was broken. 

In their classic, unorthodox fashion, Max and his brother Dillon covered the U2 song 'Grace' for Grandmere. 

​'Grace finds beauty, in everything.'

Grace filled my heart as layers of grief, unconditional love and wonder were pouring from my eyes.


The timing of Grandmere's passing graced Max with one last gift from her: the ability to go see Radiohead. 

Max had originally planned to be in Thailand before our all-time favorite band was set to play 4/8. But Grandmere's service stalled his travel and he got to be his mom's plus one. Max's mom, Beth, was always hip to know the latest Radiohead news and this band was pivotal in our relationship. 

As fate had it, I bumped into Max and Beth among the masses at Key Arena. 

Seeing them twice in a row after so much space and time had passed between us was healing. 

When the first song Day Dreaming came on, we parted and found our separate seats.

I sat across the stadium, opposite from Max and Beth, feeling the familiarity with Radiohead, our memories flooding my heart. And also the space between us now. 

Thom's lyrics that night had an exceptionally strong dose of medicine for my continued contraction and expansion with Max.  

It's too late, the damage is done.

Feeling all the brokenness and beauty from our many phases of growing together and apart. Allowing our love to remain boundless through all the pain. 

When the song Burn the Witch came on I wondered why so many witches were burned.

I imagine it was the fear of the powerful feminine. The patriarchal attempt to control the uncontrollable. The fear of death itself. So of course using the element of fire, the most yang element, to try to erase the very thing we all face: our own darkness. Our own death. Our own mysteries.

The mystery of life in our own unique timelines. And to trust through it all, that:

Everything in it's right place. 

Feeling the gratitude for Max, across the stadium yet directly in my heart. Our pure, innocent love and knowing we now have amazing partners with new incredible stories of love, and yet we can still cherish and celebrate our story with integrity. The flowering of consciousness In Bloom.  

As I was downloading the Radiohead sermon I kept saying to myself: I'm just so grateful I can feel. Feel all the complexities of being human. 

Thom's voice singing to the masses our biggest truth: 


And then, to complete my dose, the very last line they sang summed up all our pain in a mere 10 words:

If I could be who you wanted 

​all the time.

Sometimes fate confronts you with the opportunity to forgive. Other times you have to confront it yourself. 

When I first visited Roxie at my mom's work place 4 years ago or so she snapped and judged me in her usual way. So my wonder led me to ask: 

"Grandma, why don't you like me?"

Well why don't you sit down and I'll tell you! 

Max was with us (we were still together then) and ready to dodge out of the room when she barked: 

No he needs to stay and hear this too! I want him to know the truth! 

And so it began...

When you were little you never paid much attention to me. You were always off on your own in the woods or when I came over you weren't that nice to me. And that time when I wanted to take a picture of you in your Aunt Tree's old outfit you just fussed and complained and I couldn't get you to sit still. 

Wow... I listened. In awe. Tiny rivers flowing from my eyes not just out of pain about myself but that she had been carrying resentments toward me for so long.

And I suppose part of her story was true.

​I was a little Witch at times. 
A wee witch at age 2.5.
The woods at night never scared me. Despite all the fairytales warning young girls of getting lost in the forest and eaten by a scary Witch, my heart knew better. As a little girl in Gig Harbor, I’d sneak out of the house and put my bare feet on the mossy ground and look up at the stars and dance. I felt more connected, safe and at home in myself in those quiet, dark, solitary moments than I ever felt in school or church.
Even my subconscious led me outside when I was too young to scheme my night escapes. I’d sleep walk right out the front door like I was on a mission. I suppose I was. So my parents installed a customized ‘sleepwalking proof’ lock to keep me in.
I don’t blame their reaction.  
After all, they were being good parents by protecting me from potential harm. I get it.
But my desire for communing with the night sky could not be contained. So my parents supported my night needs by allowing me and my brother and my sister to slumber outside on our back deck during meteor showers.
We’d also camp at my non-offensive Grandma Emma’s farm in the pasture with the frogs. Lying in the tall grass looking up at the vast sky brought me closer to God, to our world, to my family and to myself. I’d contemplate life and death and infinity and space and time and ask questions. Why am I here? Where do we come from? Who am I? What other life is out there? Where do we go after death? And on and on the questions would flood my tiny head for infinity.
Once I tried to imagine nothing. The deep, dark, scary vastness of no-thing-ness out there in the space. And my mind expanded further and further with every thought- even while thinking of nothing! 
And it reminds me of a wise grandmother who gave me the best answer to one of my many questions on existence:
“Grandmother, how was the Universe formed?”- Me
“By you wondering, my dear.” –Grandmother 


When I was 16 I was in a wonder-spell with my friend Moof while sitting in her black Honda civic we named Tin Can. We snuck down to San Francisco for an adventure and parked the Can outside a La Quinta. In the middle of my wondering, Moof interrupted:
Boardway, why do you wonder so much? 
Then I wondered why Moof didn’t wonder as much as I wonder… I wonder what that’s like? Then I wondered since Moof asked why I wonder if she wondered that she knew she was wondering why I wondered?  
It’s no wonder that we all wonder when we look up at the immense night sky. And I wonder if we all wonder the same questions when we’re children? And if so, I wonder why some of us stop wondering. Stop questioning. And thus, stop expanding.
Science, to me, is simply that: wonder. Questions and expanding on those questions to find more questions.
But here’s where I question those who no longer question: what is their reason behind their reason? 
I question if it’s out of fear and control of the dark, vast, unknown space of nothing?
And the greatest mystery of all- death- is what keeps us in this wonder of life.


Death, to me, is our greatest teacher. I've always been so curious and fascinated with this common denominator initiation. And also curious and fascinated why so many people are afraid of talking about death when it's the most certain thing we all face? And why our American culture tends to avoid the beauty of aging with anti-aging beauty products? And why our elderly population is often forgotten and not revered for their wisdom of experience shown in their wrinkles, stories and eyes?

I believe the scariest death happens when we die of wonder. And physical death, to me, is the greatest wonder we all face. 

My Grandma Emma was full of wonder in her garden but certain about her faith. Her and my Grandpa Ralph would go to meetings at their non-denominational gospel church every Sunday and Wednesday and sing hymns.
So when I was at hospice with Grandma Emma at age 90, I attempted to sing her those hymns while holding her hand and sponging her cracked lips.

I gazed with wonder at her beauty in her face. In her hands.

These same hands that picked fresh strawberries from her patch to make her famous jam. To write with her intricate schoolteacher penmanship to label the cans and all the garden beds. These same hands that flipped countless pages of storybooks to read me before bed. And here we were, writing her last page. 

Grandpa Ralph entered the room and wheeled his chair over to Grandma’s bedside. He held her other hand. 

Grandpa had been in denial that Grandma wasn’t coming home, asking her to ‘please hang on dear’ each day. But that day was different. Acceptance and grace poured from Ralph’s heart after my mom had the difficult conversation that Grandma wasn’t coming home.  
And I alone got to witness this most precious, intimate moment between two souls who cocreated their life for over 50 years. I stopped my singing and simply listened. 
Hello Dear, it’s just me. Your old useless husband. I know the Good Lord is calling you. And as much as I don’t want you to leave me, I suppose it’s time for you to go and greet Him.
And then, Grandpa surprised me. He deviated from the familiar hymns and began singing:
You are so beautiful…to me. Can’t you see?
I could barely see through my tears, and yet this image of my Grandparents love is forever imprinted in my sight.
Grandma Emma adventured into her greatest wonder that evening while we all slept by her side. 

I wonder why there’s so much fear of the night. I wonder if it’s a ploy to keep us small, contained, and locked inside away from our primal power.
The night is the domain of the feminine. The time to turn yinward and reflect just as the moon reflects the sun. Without connection to Her, we become ‘Hysterical’ and the joke is on us. We lose touch with our wild, untamable, instinctual nature. The domain of our magic under the dark blue canopy of pure potential night sky to remind our soul of the infinite wonder.
Last summer when I was waiting for a layover in Las Vegas it dawned on me how the Sin City holds the most concentrated yang, electric energy than anywhere else in the world (at least where I’ve been). My nervous system was freaking out from all the lights and noise, and it became no mystery why people stupor themselves with ‘substances’ with no real substance to avoid the pain and assault happening on the body. No judgments here, I coped the same way. And as I slurped my margarita I contemplated how much we’ve lost touch to the night because of artificial light. And how we’ve also lost touch to our authentic light because of this over-electric culture, which often produces flash before substance.

I temporarily deviated from my witchy ways, as many women do when they get caught up in the culture of go-go-go and do-do-do. I was lost trying to find myself and purpose for most my 20s. Hungrily seeking an identity in this externally-focused world led me to depression, confusion, dissatisfaction. On the outside I was doing all the ‘right things’. I was the first in my family to graduate high school on time and the only one to go to college. I graduated from the UW esteemed Jackson School for International Studies on the Dean’s List. I received a scholarship to study in Senegal. I cofounded a 501c3 nonprofit to spotlight underrepresented health issues through art. I was expanding and learning and running away from myself in these quests. And, absolutely no regrets. I now know what it feels like to be lost in the woods of society. My wonder brought me out into the world and my wonder brought me back in. 
Into my inner world.

Redirecting my focus pocus from an externally driven to internally given existence.
And now the witches are out.

​No more hiding. No more secrets. No more regrets. No more shame.
Photo: ThisisRhi.com Style: IsobellaBloom.com Model: Em
Witches are in touch with real magic. Earth, elemental magic. Magic is simply the quality of attentiveness. How our perception, focused attention, can alter our reality. Every one has this capacity. This type of magic is no special mystery school training where you need to pay lots of money for initiations to have access to your own power! No hierarchy. True magic is beyond any formalized system. And true magic is the most powerful thing we have as humans.
“The witches, interestingly enough, are apparently real. They have power. But the wizard… he just does tricks.” – William Bridges referring to Oz.

So I credit my offensive Grandma Roxie for planting a seed in my young mind that if I do choose to look closely in my own reflection, I will see a witch.

Witch reminds me... back to the healing. 

After Roxie unloaded her years of grudge on me, I had some choice. I could either:

a.) defend
b.) offend
c.) run 
d.) hide
e.) call upon my inner Witch Healer for magic 

Imagining either Grandma or me dying before resolving our tie led me to my only real choice. 


I caught wind from my dad that Grandma Roxie was open to ingesting the green goods to help with her pain. This was pre-legalization, so I was delighted to help out with this mission.

Weed is definitely NOT my medicine of choice and so I never possess it (I end up downward spiraling into never ending paranoia and munchies anytime I touch it), but since I live in the 'worst place on earth filled with liberals'- I know plenty of people who do. 
So I began delivering Roxie these peace offerings of special baked goods. Slowly she softened and became more gracious. Receiving my company, and treats, despite her complaints of the cookies not being strong enough.

These visits became more and more amusing and healing for me. I diffused my emotional charge by entering our encounters with wonder. And my curiosity opened me to listening and learning more about Grandma's story.

I began to understand why she developed such a prickly and calloused attitude. Growing up with an abusive father and losing two husbands to heart attacks is quite the harsh hand. 

No wonder she chose to lock herself up in her tiny house in the woods to play solitaire, sip whisky, listen to Rush Limbaugh and watch Fox News. That's one way to cope with pain. Build up a life that proves certain things by repeating the same pattern over and over again. 

I learned how Grandma Roxie was voted 'Best Dressed' in her school even though she came from a poor family. She knew how to take care of her clothes, and new how to wear them well.  

Now I see the beauty in Roxie's toughness. And how this once served her for her own survival. And I also see the beauty in her moments of softening. Hooked up on oxygen tubes, fate nudging her to become more open and vulnerable to her environment for survival now. Even to me and my mother!
I also see how my own bias and story of Roxie has distorted perception of this human being, a soul, who is on her own unique journey of learning. With her own unique lens. 

Sometimes our stories are liberating, other times they perpetuate our illusion. 

On one of my green peace visits I warned my friend Ellen, who was visiting from San Francisco, about Grandma.

'Ok Elle, just be prepared to be offended and it will be fine.'

Sure enough, within minutes Roxie began rattling off her opinions. 

San Francisco?! People are just pooping all over the streets down there. Disgusting. 

Ellen, being in nursing school at the time, attempted to reason with her from a mental and public health perspective. How there is a large disadvantage for the homeless population due to racial and social injustice that prevents many marginalized groups from having same access to resources. 

I enjoyed an inner smug knowing my Roxie prediction was right.

However, the first time my partner Andreas met Roxie was quite different. Even though I offered him the same "advice". 

'Ok Andreas, just be prepared to be offended.'

Well hello Andreas. Nice to meet you. You're a handsome young man. 


I stand corrected. Where do I hold onto bias? 

But... some things take longer to change. Andreas and I visited Grandma Roxie again yesterday. All was fairly pleasant and neutral until she brought up homosexuality. 

When I was younger we knew there were some lesbians and gays but nobody talked about it. People just kept their business to themselves. And now I just don't see why they need to parade around in their garb and announce to the world 'Look at me! Look at me!' 

I listened. And this is where I really had to call upon my inner Witch Healer and not jump to defense and my self righteousness. This is where my yoga practice matters. I managed to soften a bit inside.

'That is certainly your own perspective. Thank you for sharing Grandma.'

Well it's simple. You're born either a man or woman. 

I held my inner space. Breathing deeply. And then... the magic. 

Well what do you think?

'Are you open to hearing my perspective?'

Well hell no I'm not open! 

'Well then how can I share what I think with you? I'm willing to offer my view but you have to be open to hearing it.' 

She softened. 

Well sure I can hear you, but I don't have to agree with you.

'Ok. From my perspective, the Pride Movement that you're referring to is a response to oppression. And like any movement to bring social justice, Women's Suffrage or Civil Rights for example, people need to bring out the issues into the open. Movements are loud. And this movement is loud and proud to release any shame for people being simply who they are in the complexity of being unique. Shame silences. And there are hate crimes happening against people for being simply who they are. Especially against those that cannot be boxed into any label. So that's why I believe, Grandma, people are willing- and for many risking their own lives- to come out into the open Loud and Proud until we are at a place where it's normalized and safe to simply be who we are and who we are becoming- any race, sexual orientation, gender, any identity.' 

My cousin Zack entered the room just as Grandma was trying to prove her point about race being simply black and white... 

Our time here was complete.

I told myself let it go. Let her have her perceived certainties about the world because so much of her life was filled with uncertainty. 

And on the walk to the car to drive back to the 'worst place on Earth', Andreas, who was raised in an LGBTQ family said: 

​To her credit, she listened. 

Then I asked Andreas, "I wonder what Grandma sees when she looks at me?"

Probably the demise of America. 

We laughed.


I imagine my yoga, soma, circus arts and traveling the world and asking questions and being filled with wonder and being weird and continually changing my own identity is quite disturbing to her. To a person who is seeking specifics, certainty out of fear of the greatest certainty: death. 

I accept that. 

My Grandma Roxie may be set in many of her ways, but I can choose to enter each visit with wonder. And my work is to see the beauty beneath her stories and opinions and biases. No matter how bigoted. Because by shifting my internal reality and purely witnessing her and listening without the need to change her opinion, shift happens. Grandma is shifting me as much as I'm shifting her each time we soften. And we both allow each other the freedom to surprise ourselves with moments of vulnerability. By opening. By listening. 

Instead of clenching for control with the expectation of family. Familiarity. To create a temporary and false sense of security in our ever expanding, ever changing Universe. 

If I could be who you wanted all the time.

So I'll continue to visit Roxie for my own healing. To listen. And open to her moments of willingness to listen back.  


You see real magic is simple. And clear. Not the smoke and mirror kinda tricks that takes us further from the truth. But the magic that brings us deeper into the wonder of each moment. The  s p a c e  where only time, the magic length of God, can bring us closer to life through the reality of death with grace and forgiveness to carry us through this human becoming experience. 

Because there is so much in life that is uncertain, but one thing is certain, is we're all gonna die. The timing of it is unknown, so I ask myself whenever I feel any negative toward anyone, including myself, would I be ok right now leaving on this note if I or they die? Or would I rather have our last words be:

​You are so beautiful, to me... 
Grandma Emma and Grandpa Ralph with my baby mom who they just adopted.
A visit to Grandma Roxie with a peace offering.
<![CDATA[are you afraid of the dark?]]>Fri, 23 Dec 2016 01:08:57 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/are-you-afraid-of-the-dark
​Winter Soulstice is a reminder we’re emerging from the darkest days. The unavoidable ones at least.

The avoidable dark days, well, we will see.
Growing “up” as a girl I watched a T.V. show on Nickelodeon called Are You Afraid of the Dark.
But… I still haven’t actually grown up.
Rather, I’m growing down.
Down into my Self. Down into my deepest places beneath the surface and into my… darkness.
And I’m not afraid of the dark, I’m afraid.

After all, it’s darkness we emerge from and darkness we return to.
From womb to tomb. Or urn or sky burial vultures or... does it matter?
As a matter of fact, 'matter' stems from the Latin ‘mater’ which means… MOTHER.
Applaud the almighty womb!
But do we really need to dissect language to realize this obvious truth?
Well, let's see. How are we as a humanity currently valuing mothers? And how are we valuing our shared mother: Earth?
I'd say yes, yes we absolutely do need to dissect our current language to look inside for truth...Where it's dark.

True secrets and the mysteries are not meant to be hidden in the dark, away from the light of awareness. This disempowers and disintegrates individuals and perpetuates fear, violence and victimization. 

Rather, true secrets and the mysteries are the dark. Our own connection with darkness.

Embracing the dark empowers, integrates, illuminates and liberates. 
Wanna see? And real-eyes the truth?
Alright we'll adventure-in to darkness for light of awareness on what matters.
But reader beware!
Seeking truth is like pulling a thread on your sweater. Watch it unravel, you'll soon be naked.
And free.
To be honest, the truth is I can never show you the truth. Because it lies within. The truth lies within?!
Our language is filled with riddles in this paradox of light and dark.
And truly our own truth depends on our own point of view based on our unique perspective.
And our own unique perspective depends on our own unique collection of memories and experiences interpreted from our body and mind within various environments at various times within various circumstances.
Ok back to my point about darkness.
In my growing down point of view (which is verrry limited based on my own unique perspective, privilege and personality), there are two types of darknesses going on:
Unavoidable Darkness and Avoidable Darkness
Unavoidable Darkness is…
Winter Soul-stice (if you’re in the Northern Hemisphere)
Growing in utero
The Void
Unconscious and Subconscious Self = Shadow
Facing our Shadow Self for Power-With Dynamics
Avoidable Darkness is…
Avoiding the Void… or running from our Shadow
Hiding from our Shadow
Directed by our Shadow
Projecting our Shadow
Repressing our Shadow
Disintegration from our Shadow
Power-over or Power-under Dynamics 

Are you in the dark about the dark? Ok I'll call upon metaphors to help explain the inexplicable.

This excerpt illustrates the play between Unavoidable and Avoidable Darkness. Imagine the sandstorm as the 'shadow':

“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.
And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.” -Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore


What I see in my growing down point of view is a collective storm happening- racially, sexually, religiously, politically, environmentally, socially- and we can either individually choose to run from it, or face our own shitstorm and do the work to integrate and transform ourselves. We're in this together, alone. 

"The only hope for humankind is in the transformation of the individual." -Krishnamurti

Because if I, you, we, stand on the sidelines of this storm and expect everyone else to move through it for us, well, then the Avoidable Darkness will take over and eventually we'll get smacked into the Unavoidable Darkness anyway. 


We individually have the gumption to face our shadow by collectively supporting each other go through it alone, together.

To see, smell and take care of our shit. Clean up our own mess and come out the storm a more realized, whole person. 

The more we spotlight our own shadow with courage, true secrets are let out. Clarity equals power. And we real-eyes we're not alone in our unique experiences.

And from clarity our individual and collective choices become more conscious, creative, and compassionate and no longer driven by the repressive or reactive unconscious shadow play. 

This has a rippling effect.

Each time we individually empower-up ourselves by being radically transparent with what's happening in the dark (the unseen) by bringing it to light (the seen), we release the dams of shame and the power imbalances in all our relationships. Every small moment of sincerity and clarity count on the path to liberation. I will shamelessly reveal my personal 2016 Shadow Dances in another post. 

When the dams of shame are released in our bodies and our voices, we open to our creative and free flowing expression of our unique genius that already lives within each of us. 

So what's the most effective and efficient way of releasing our dams of shame to release our creative genius?

By honoring the very source from which ALL human creation emerged:

the dark womb

Even if we don't have a healthy relationship with our own birth mother, or if she's no longer alive, or if we never met her, or all the various traumas that come with childbirth, we can individually choose to heal ourselves. We can only truly heal ourselves by going into our own darkness. By releasing blame for our suffering and choosing forgiveness.

The Universal wounds of abandonment, shame and betrayal can be traced down to the first breath of life where we're cut from our source of darkness inside the womb. 

It doesn't matter if we like or dislike your mother, agree or disagree. What matters is respecting the source. 

By respecting and appreciating the most powerful, inevitable, raw source of pure potential power that exists inside a woman’s womb- we will evolve our consciouness to find a balance between the masculine and feminine powers. Between our right and left hemispheres of our brain. Integrating the light and the dark. The yin and the yang. The ida and pingala channels. The sun and moon. The inner and outer. And so on. 

This massive shitstorm is a response to these power imbalances. And why our humanity has evolved in this way is largely due to:
Avoidable Darkness authors that only tell part of the whole story to intentionally keep humanity confused, in the dark and away from the light of empowerment and freedom within.  

They say in the beginning was the word.  

I say,

Words are birthed from the womb of nothing. 

If we didn't have the space  b e t w e e n  these letters, how could we possibly read? And now more than ever we're called to read between the lines. 

It's time to re-rite history to include herstory. Ourstory. The whole story.

Time for the void, the womb, the no-thingness of dark matter to reclaim her worthy throne alongside the masculine power to birth golden miracles. To share the true story of creation where the feminine is once again honored in her full emptiness. 

The chalice deep within a woman’s body is the Holy Grail. The quest for liberation or realization or salvation or whatever you want to call the end of suffering lies deep within each of us. 

Let's hear it from the man of this artificially-lit season himself:

‘The Kingdom of Heaven lies within you.’ –Jesus
Seems pretty obvious to me. 'Christ All' mighty is the Crystal within each of us. 

And to hit this home, let's read the Sioux Story on Creation: 

The Creator gathered all of Creation and said: "I want to hide something from the humans until they are ready for it. It is the realization that they create their own reality."

The Eagle said: "Give it to me, I will take it to the moon."

The Creator said: "No. One day they will go there and find it."

The Salmon said: "I will bury it on the bottom of the ocean."

The Creator said: "No. They will go there too."
The Buffalo said: "I will bury it on the Great Plains."

The Creator said: "They will cut into the skin of the Earth and find it even there."

Grandmother Mole, who lives in the breast of Mother Earth and who has no physical eyes but sees with spiritual eyes, said: "Put it inside of them."
And the Creator said: "It is done.”

No matter what your beliefs are, as long as we’re human can we all agree we were indeed created inside a dark, dark womb? 
Yes I understand it takes two. Or sometimes multiple. Or perhaps even an entire medical team to artificially plant the seed of life. 
And even if you don't believe in science (if this is true for you, I imagine it's because you've been confused by words authored by an authority on the Avoidable Dark side) there are facts about the process of human conception. 

So, the 'fact' is, unlike many myths of sperm forcefully penetrating the egg after making the loooong journey and racing to win- what actually happens is the egg is also moving toward the sperm. The two meet, and with persistent, shared stimulus they fuse together. 

Fuse = opposites coming together to create new life; empowerment and freedom
Confuse = words written by conmen to divide opposites; disempowerment and oppression 

This is the secret of the mysteries. By bringing our secrets out into the light. By embracing all of who we are, the light and the dark, we create new miracles. 

May we all celebrate our own miracle of life by honoring the miracle of life that lies within each of us. Our light AND our dark matters. 

Happy New Year. 

<![CDATA[please vote for...]]>Tue, 01 Nov 2016 07:00:00 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/please-vote-for
Not much has changed. Photo cred: Christian Martin.
…me, and I’ll make you happy.
This current political race is reminding me of my childhood one.
Reflecting back on my campaign message from the 7th Grade Presidential Election speech, I kinda cringe at how juvenile I sounded. 
Please vote for me, and I’ll make you happy?
How cute of me to assume I knew what would make my fellow peers happy. That somehow I had the answers.
And I’m all about politesse, but pleading for votes seems a bit desperate.
But I’ll cut myself a bit of slack, since I was, after all, a juvenile.
I still can’t believe I ran for ASB President at Kopachuck Middle School in 1997.
I mean, I was definitely not popular.
My best friends up until that year were Tiffany and Hasa, two horses I took care of on my grandparents’ farm.
These equine pals broke my social skills.
As a super shy and sensitive girl, I would run as fast as possible off the school bus to my grandparents’ farm to find refuge in the fields.
Even though my family didn’t have much money, I was privileged to have grandparents’ with land and people who didn’t want to take care of their own horses anymore.
So I did.
Or rather, Tiffany and Hasa took care of me.
They gave me purpose. I fed, cleaned and cared for them daily. I mucked the barn, polished the tack, mended the fences.
And the reward for all this work? Adventures in my own wonderland.
I’d saddle ‘em up and blaze wooded trails, swim in the sound, journey along roads where cars were minimal.
I remember sneaking on the Kopachuck Middle School racetrack and galloping like we were at the Derby. 
I felt total freedom having their backs.
I reigned over this realm with empowerment and curiosity and intimacy to my natural environment like Artemis, far away from the awkward group socializing that I found boring and fake.
Speaking of boring and fake, I entered a 4-H show once. It. Was. Awful. Why would I want to be around a bunch of show-offs when I could explore the woods?
So that was my one and only not-so-best in show and I was happy returning to my deeper connections in the forest.
And then, in 1997, my grandparents’ decided to move from the farm.
I lost Tiffany and Hasa as a result.
My hardworking young parents’ couldn’t afford the expenses to board two horses at a stable in Gig Harbor, so Tiffany and Hasa returned to their owners.
And I accepted it was probably my time to learn other human skills. Like… socializing.

(Note: I did have some incredible friends through various periods of my childhood, this particular stage I was awkward and didn't know where I fit in). 
So, there I was, horseless at Kopachuck Middle School in 1997.
What else was I to do? Other than…run for ASB President?
Now that I didn’t have my horses’ backs, I decided to have my entire Middle Schools’.
I recruited my only friends at the time, Melissa and Jean, to help with my campaign.
My longterm plan: make everyone happy by providing a healthy and beautiful and vibrant and natural environment, inspired by my horse trail blazing days.
My immediate plan: provide healthier snacks in the vending machines.
I know my motivation for change came from home.
I was raised with a junk food pantry where gushers and ding-dongs and easy cheese were abundant. So my desire for healthy food options came from my loud contrarian bone located somewhere deep inside me. Knowing there could be a healthier way of living.
And my older brother Robby helped shape both my shyness and my contrarian bone because he was such a bully when we were younger. His unpredictable violent tendencies both scared and ignited me to respond with righteous indignation. (Note: Rob has evolved into a fierce yet gentle papa bear.) 
So I developed a strong distaste for junk food and meanness and a strong desire for healthy food and justice against such emotionally reckless behavior.
And since I no longer had my horses as a foundation, and home wasn’t too stable either, I suddenly poured my purpose into Middle School politics.
I began to wonder if my brother and other bullies were simply too Oreo’d and Coke’d out to have their wits about them. So I assumed responsibility to provide better food for thought by running for ASB President.
All this hope burning from my contrarian bone, beneath my insecurities and shyness, as my fire to forge on to Election Day.
I’ll never forget that feeling as I stood in front of my entire Middle School.
Dressed as a hippie, I began to sing my speech to the melody of “Blowing in the Wind”: 'The answer my friends, is voting for me. The answer is getting real healthy'… 
And then…

Out walks my opponent: Brian Dower.
Brian Dower was the epitome of all things "masculine". He was my first crush ever in kindergarten because he was so confident and present and charming.
And now, here he was, marching out in his camouflage army shorts, a white tank top, and aviator sunglasses.
With the Top Gun theme song on.
Brian began pumping his fist in the air chanting: DOWER! POWER!
Then a clap, clap, clap clap clap with his hands.
He got everyone in a trance. Chanting his name. Clapping in unison.
DOWER! POWER! Clap, clap, clap clap clap.
Oh, no.
DOWER! POWER! Clap, clap, clap clap clap.
I don’t even remember Brian’s speech. Just the echoes of his chant haunting me.

Whatever Brian Dower was or wasn’t for didn’t even matter, because he brought the collective Kopachuck body into such an emotional state people were plugging into his power scheme.
They were moved. In their bodies. By chanting. By clapping. They handed the power of Dower back to Dower.
And… I lost.

But I never lost my power by plugging it into someone outside of me. Not even Dower.  
To be super clear: Dower is no Trump. Brian, if you read this please know I totally respect and love you. But for this story's sake there are some curious parallels.
Although hillaryious to observe from the sidelines, this 2016 Election should not be taken lightly. Just as Tom Robbins told me, “don’t take life too seriously, but play seriously.” Now we’re all in this serious power play. 
Trump is trying to 'Dower Power' America, claiming the power for change comes from just one person.
And, Dower does have power. But so do I. And so do you.
The last time Brian and I saw each other was at another race. We randomly bumped into each other in 2011 after we both ran Seattle’s half marathon. It was my first and only half marathon, and Dower’s many. I finished at a much slower time than Dower. But I did it. And I did so with a purpose aligned with my values. And that gave me power.
I was running to fundraise for the 501c3 I cofounded, Mind Series, which spotlighted underrepresented health issues through artistic projects. Our current project was filming a documentary on Young Onset Alzheimer’s disease and partnering with the Alzheimer’s Association. I’m proud to say Mind Series imparted some positive impact from coast to coast.
And Brian seemed like he was as powerful and present and confident as ever. He truly is a leader. So there we were, 14 years later, and still in a race of sorts with very different approaches. 

To continue the parallels of our story and the larger one, Trump is attempting to “trump” the people by taking away their own power by having them plug into his own. By plugging into his Tower of Power. Which is obviously not real power because just like the Wizard of Oz, behind all that showing-off is a scared little man. And the Tower, it does fall.
And like my vision for equal access to healthy snacks, Hillary has been an agent for shifting our healthcare system for decades. I don’t think Hillary has all the answers, and neither does she. That’s why she is pulling in Bernie and all the voices if we continue to organize and speak up! And this is how we can create an even more progressive platform. Progress, with true power, takes time. There are gestations. Natural rhythms. 
So yes, Hillary might not be as popular just as I wasn’t. And her pace may be a bit slower like mine. But if we look at evolution, effective and positive change happens at a slow and steady pace with cooperation. Not corporation!
No more short changing our priceless power as a people. 

I sure as hell don’t trust someone who says they alone can make all the change and have all the power to do so. I know NO power lives outside of my contrarian bone other than the greatest power of the mystery of life and death. Contrariwise. True power will keep me in a state of wonder and love...where no bully can rob that. True power that sends the same wonder and love back to all people, especially the bullies. 

And just as my older brother bullied me only to strengthen my own power of love, I believe Trump is here to play that bully for all of us. To wake up to our own power that is already inside each of us. 

Let’s continue to each become our own AUTHORity of our American Story. 

This unoriginal empire story is boring and fake. We're way more creative than that.
And make necessary edits when we know better. Let's re-rite our rights by expressing authentically from true power within. 
On that note, don’t “please vote for me”.
Vote for we.  

<![CDATA[Self love quest]]>Wed, 17 Aug 2016 17:30:40 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/self-love-quest
Self Love Self Hug.
​This morning while sipping my cup of black coffee (still cruising with the Whole 30 and loving myself for it), I was inspired to journal my whys.
Why do I practice Yoga?
Why do I practice Soma?  
The answer: Self Love.
Then I asked…
Why Self Love? What is Self Love exactly? And how is it different than self-obsession and narcissism?
A flood of stories entered my mind and heart of all the beautiful people in my life who’ve suffered, and are still suffering, from a lack of Self Love. And the deep knowing from my own suffering whenever I’m in a state of Self Doubt or Self Blame or Shame or Hate or Sabotage or _________ fill in the blank.  
Either traveling the downward spiral of Self Loathing or the upward spiral of Self Love in our quests. The direction we travel in our quest is determined by our questions inside the labyrinth of our minds.
For example, let’s imagine the very same thing happens to two different people: they don’t get the job they applied for. Below are two internal quests in response to this news.
Person 1: What’s wrong with me? Am I not hirable? Why didn’t I get the job? Who did they choose over me? Are they better than me? 
Person 2: What can I learn from this experience? Did I really, really want this job? If so, then where else shall I look? If not, then what do I really, truly want to do for work?
Obviously we are way more complex and nuanced than my examples, depending on a myriad of life experiences that have shaped our perceptions of the world and ourselves and the ways our minds are interacting with our environments. And factors such as how much sleep we’ve had, what we ate that day, the time of day and year, and so on and so on.
However, since our minds have neuroplasticity we CAN become directors of our inner spirals the more we notice our quests and consciously choose how we respond to life from the inside-out, vs. reacting to life from the outside-in.
How we choose to respond or react to external life internally sets our energy in motion, or our e-motion. Our emotional state influences our choices, which become patterns, which become habits, which become behavior, which become beliefs, which become our destiny. Spiraling up or down on ourselves. 
Of course there are external and internal systemic variables that influence one’s facility for directing such internal quests, including mental health issues, organized religion, institutionalized education, trauma, poverty, racism, age, and countless other variables that I am likely unaware of (I’m open to learning though). However I also am in no position to speak on behalf of anyone else’s insperience and their own potential for internally directing their unique quests.
As a wannabe neuroscientist, I declare no facts, I just ask questions and notice patterns. Applying pattern recognition for freedom rather than labeling and boxing in. 
Speaking of…
On the downward spiral, the pattern is to seek the love outside our Self. Seeking validation, need for attention, alcohol, drugs, social media, food, shopping, money, new experiences, sex, gambling, any form of entertainment and stimulation and so on and so on. This is the realm of narcissism, greed, depression, violence, jealousy and addiction. In this spiral there will always be a power-over or power-under dynamic with ourselves, others and the world. We grasp for things and people to give a sense of aliveness inside us, but the void is so large that no amount of filling will ever reach a state of the very thing we seek: Self Love.
Note: I have no judgment for vices. Trust me. Too pure is purely boring. I just noticing in myself and others when these vices become escapism from our Selves, and then the downward spiral begins.
On the upward spiral, the pattern is a deep listening and re-sourcing to love within our Self. Forgiveness clears space for grace and allows the biggest Truth to speak louder than the other voices. The Truth that we are already loved, just as we are. And the more we align to this Truth, our Self Love becomes a self regenerative battery to be clear, present and loving to others and our environment. A power-with dynamic by plugging into our inner source of love, empowerment. Abundance overflows in our inner well, creating infinite wealth from our unique genius within. Evolving from competition and scarcity to abundance and creativity. To access this spiral takes practice, and an initiation of going into our darkness, accepting all of ourselves- even the seemingly unlovable, and still love every part unconditionally and wholly.  
Whoa. It's as if Judgment Day is every single thought, or quest. Creating our own personal Heaven or Hell. 

The image of the ankh came to heart when I asked about Self Love. I honestly don’t know much about this symbol, other than what I’m intuiting in my body.  Here’s what I drew: 

​And here’s what I’m feeling about it:
The staff of the ankh is our connection to Self. Our personality. Our vertical axis. Our spine. Our masculinity. Our left-brain logical thinking hemisphere based on linear time. We must have a strong vertical axis to know who we are, our uniqueness, as individuals.
The horizontal line, Love, on this ‘cross’, is our connection to other. To the love that is beyond our differences located in our heart. The unity consciousness that permeates duality. This is our femininity. Our right-brain hemisphere based on infinite possibilities and spherical time.  
The loop is the integration of the two: Self-Love. From here we are aware of who we are as individuals so we can open to each other with love coming from within. Here we are masterful with our insperience by being plugged into Self Love, and become highly capable of choosing how to best respond in every situation. This fluid structure that is powered within. Power-with-in. 
This whole quest thing is no joke. That’s why it’s a practice.

So I celebrate every little victory of Self Love. Every time I notice a pattern of the downward spiral, I don't deny it, I see it, listen and allow the inner transformation to take place. This is the wildest inner ride of self compassion and kindness. I've become my own inner coach, saying things like, "Good job, Em. You are becoming more clear with your priorities." 
And that’s precisely why I practice Soma and Yoga. To equip my mind and body with tools for this labyrinth I’m in to continually remind myself to choose Self Love. Every. Single. Day.

I'm curious to learn how you practice Self Love. Please share. 

<![CDATA[Hamstring-ing my destiny.]]>Tue, 16 Aug 2016 18:57:23 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/hamstring-ing-my-destiny
Hanumanasana after Eiric's class at Yoga On Beacon in 2014. Not-so-angry hamstrings.

Life unfolds in the most miraculous and curious ways, doesn’t it?
The very thing driving me mad was my key to freedom: my angry left hamstring…
It’s 2010 and I’m practicing yoga daily, mostly at Samadhi Studio with Eiric Ovrid. I even moved from West Seattle to Capitol Hill to be close enough to Samadhi so I could walk, skip, or run to Eiric’s classes.
Yoga was my medicine. Still is.

I was recalibrating myself with yoga after a looooong and fulfilling 2-year journey co-founding a 501c3 organization with my former partner and high school love Max.
Max and I completed a 2,000-mile U.S. bicycle tour filming stories on people with Young Onset Dementia, inspired by Max’s father Hugh who was diagnosed at age 56. Our very first short documentary, The Music in Hugh, was the seed that sprouted our project.
We had no idea how challenging the reality of carrying not only Hugh’s story, but the stories of 35 families we met with from coast to coast, would bear on our minds, bodies and hearts. Returning to Seattle, it was time to face our own story for healing. And Samadhi was my sanctuary. 

So there I am one day at Samadhi in class with Eiric, and he instructs us to enter hanumanasana- the side splits.
OUCH! My biking legs are too stiff for this sh*t.  
My left hamstring is pissed.
Eiric goes on to call this the ‘Lord of Breath’ pose.
How the hell can anyone breathe in this?!
Typically I would hold in all my feelings, but that day after class I mustered the courage to ask Eiric about my hamstring.
“Eiric, I’m doing all this yoga and aren’t I supposed to be getting more flexible? My left hamstring feels even tighter than before. Any suggestions?”
“Maybe it’s your fascia.”
“My what?”
“I have just the person for you. Leah. She’s a Soma Bodyworker out on Mercer Island.”
I called Leah that day. I was luckily able to get in the following week despite her full schedule.
Without car, I rode the bus all the way to Mercer Island.
I entered Leah’s office thinking I was going in for a massage.
Oh no no no. How wrong was I!
Our first Soma session freed not only my left hamstring, also my mind and heart. I felt  s p a c e  for grace to pour in and out of me. Feeling my fascia, and my entire being, in a whole new light.
I signed up for the Soma Series that day.
Leah didn’t have to ‘sell’ me anything. Even though the sessions were an investment of time, energy and money, I thought:
Since I have only this one body for my entire life, I might as well invest as much time, energy and money into creating a stable and flexible ‘home’ for myself in myself. In my body. Makes sense to me. 
Soma was the best investment I’ve ever made. Still is.
Plus, I was ready for a personal transformation. And I sure got one.
My hamstrings were freer, my sinuses clearer. My proprioception woke up and enhanced how I feel more alive in my body. The quality of my presence and energy increased. I fell in love with my feet, which allowed my heart to open more fully. My yoga practice deepened, as did my relationships with myself, others and the world around me.
The Soma Series unlocked deep patterns I didn't even know where in me. Increasing my awareness.

With this new awareness I became physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually aligned to my core values, which influenced every aspect of my life.
So yeah, I went in for more than just a massage that day.
And I have my angry left hamstring to thank. And Eiric. And Leah. And my whole self. 
I share my own experience to reveal the not-so-secret formula for successful personal transformation that I also see working with some of my clients:

  1. Something to be transformed (patterns of pain and/or suffering in the body, mind and/or heart)
  2. Being referred to Soma from a trusted source
  3. Readiness and openness for change
  4. Commitment to show up on time and pay fully
  5. Curiosity to learn how to integrate the Soma principles into life
And I also share this story to encourage you to love all your parts, especially the unpleasant pieces. My left hamstring was the very string that pulled me toward my destiny as a Soma Practitioner. Perhaps your pesky parts are the very key to your own freedom. 
The more we love all of ourselves, wholly and authentically, the more we love each other and our world.

If you, or someone you know, qualifies for the successful Soma formula above, let's chat. Or you can simply schedule a session here. 

I love you. Because I love myself. Especially the pesky parts. 
<![CDATA[filling my whole.]]>Mon, 01 Aug 2016 15:09:25 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/filling-my-whole
Photo: Sergey Av
Filling My Whole
I'm currently living with a colony of rats in my backyard.
At first there were only a few pioneers and I thought we could coexist. Because as a kid I had two pet rats named Bert and Tom and don't want to be a species-ist. Plus, Ratatouille and Secret of Nihm are some of my favorite animated movies.
But then the few turned into dozens. Digging holes all along the back yard fence.
I attempted to peacefully usher them away. By casting a crystal grid. And placing mint in their tunnels because they supposedly don't like the smell. I tried talking with them.
I was becoming the crazy rat lady.
Every evening more rats emerged. My moon rituals and star gazing evenings were accompanied with a soundtrack of squeaks and rustling from the two bushes in the back. I had no idea rats could climb up and mate while balancing on tiny branches! Those are some serious skills.
I've underestimated these creatures.
Soon my talking turned into clapping and chasing after them with a wild roar.
To no avail, to no surprise.
The source of their food was too good to be convinced by my woo-woo ways. A buffet of garbage and compost options were coming from the neighboring apartment building. Located directly behind my backyard.
Ah, rats!
I decided it was time to take more serious, and unfortunately more lethal, measures.
So I called the realty company to handle the dirty work. This type of infestation is one of the few renters’ rights we have in Seattle.
I felt a pang in my heart as I questioned this terminating action: why am I so special that I can decide who gets to live here? Humans are just like rats too!
Then my rational mind thought of the potential disease that could spread and the continued tearing up of the backyard. And the flies were coming too. And the smell. Oh that smell! No amount of mint can cover that up.
I literally smell a rat. Or... 50.
So a couple black bate boxes were planted by 4 Seasons Pest Control. They assured me the poison was a humane process. Even though I question the use of 'humane' these days.
A few days later, I cried at the sight of the first casualty.
But then, no more tears for fears. That was the first and only victim of the bate box.
Rats aren't that stupid.
Why would we test rats in a lab if they weren't smart? And why the hell would these rats eat weird purple bate in boxes when they have my plum tree?
Simple. They wouldn't. And they won't. And I don't blame them.
The plum tree is near my bedroom window.
At first the rats stayed along the back fence, but now they are entitled enough to come all the way up to greet me in the morning. Their tightrope skills reaching the juiciest plums, indulging themselves and smacking their whiskers right in front of me. Devouring my juicy, juicy plums.
Now just a pane of glass between us. And I wonder, who's looking at who through the looking glass? After all, it's all a matter of perspective.
Speaking of, I've been waiting to see if the bate would work over the last couple weeks. And all I see are more and more rats. And they're getting bigger and bigger.
Upon receiving a notice of rent increase the other day, I notified the realty company of the rat increase.
Their solution: fill in the holes.
As in fill in the _____?
I see.
Since it's all a matter of perspective, perhaps filling in the holes is the solution.
But I'm going to put a deeper spin on it. Because that's what I love to do...dig. Just like a rat.
So it's time to rat myself out: I do have many holes to fill. 
There's my obvious holes: my mouth, my nose, my ears, my eyes, my...
And the not-so-obvious holes: my time, my space, my bank account, my meaning of existence...
And this makes me wonder: how am I currently filling my holes? And with what? And is this actually full-fill-ing my hole life?
And does it matter?
Well, if they're my holes to fill I suppose I'll choose to make it matter. And "matter", as a matter of fact, means substance.
Am I filling all my holes with substance?

Not completely.
Where am I filling up holes with garbage, or toxins?

Well, I have been hitting the wine bottles pretty heavy lately... 

Why do we call addiction substance abuse anyway? Implying intoxicants are substantial? This logos of language is whacky.

Where else am I filling up my time with unsubstantial garbage? With social media? With fears or worries or overwhelm based on this illusion that I have to keep moving toward some big cheese reward at the end of this tunnel??? 
These rats are the perfect metaphor for what is prolific in our culture: a rat race. How a-maze-ing. 
rat race
noun, informal
1. a way of life in which people are caught up in a fiercely competitive struggle for wealth or power.
2. an exhausting, usually competitive routine.
The current political and socioeconomic race reminds me of our rat race culture at large, a race against the clock and a race for resources we believe to be limited. Adding to more and more race-ism.
So I'm going to become my own lab rat with an experiment I'm calling: Filling My Whole.
The solution: fill all of my holes with full-fill-ing substance. Simple!

To become full with what fills my deepest desires in my heart and gut. And to overflow my inner fullness in my relationships and community from a thriving and abundant place. Re-sourcing to my inner source of well-ness within. At a pace that is dancing with time, with the natural rhythms of the season, the environment and my body. Quitting the rat race and enjoying this whole adventure with the curiosity and pace of a cat. Creating an even more full-fill-ing life. And this begins with the first source to re-source to wholeness: food and water.
The formula: Apply guidelines from the Whole 30® Program for August. Filling my mouth hole with whole foods and no toxins. And by honoring every glass of water for it's powerful and cleansing and life-giving magic. And then I’ll choose to continue filling my holes with what is full-fill-ing once my body’s system is clean and clear. Goodbye wine and cheese, and hello juicy plums, or, juicy peaches, since my plums are already spoken for. 
If the saying 'as within, so without' has any truth to it, I am will-ing myself to first clean and clear and upgrade my own systems within my body and mind. I have the smarts of a rat and the desire of a cat to make this shift, and so now is the time. And perhaps, just perhaps, my internal shift will cause a butterfly effect by inspiring a shift in our larger systems.  

So thank you, my rats, for inspiring me to re-source and be the change I wish to see in our global systems. To embody the change first in my own systems.
I believe my hole rat solution involves bringing in a cat as well. 
My beautiful 12-year-old friend Mihna made me a bookmark with the Egyptian Cat Goddess Bast, because it reminded her of me. So I was curious to learn more.
“They Egyptian goddess Bast reminds us of all that is feline and feminine. Her gifts, very cat-like in nature, include:

  • the refusal to be at everyone's beck and call and an insistence on the freedom of expression
  • to relax and never waste energy
  • to luxuriate in beauty
  • to refuse to take anything too seriously
  • to accept the true nature of things (ourselves included)
  • to remain unswayed by the opinion of others
Curled up like a cat lying in the sun, the Goddess Bast forms a complete circle.”

Thank you Mihna. I will invite in these qualities of Bast while Filling My Whole. Bast gives wonder-full reminders while embarking on what could be considered a rigid diet "program". So I'm going to integrate cat energy into my lab rat experiment. 
What actually transforms hole to whole? 
Well that's obvious, a 'w'. A double-you.
Integrating all the parts of self, the masculine and feminine. The inner and outer. The dark and light. The democrat and the republican. The rat and the cat. 
Let the full-filling-ness continue…Down and through the rat hole. 
<![CDATA[yes i'm privileged, and...]]>Wed, 13 Jul 2016 17:52:10 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/yes-im-privileged-andYes I’m privileged, and
I’m white. And I get really tan from the sun and I think it’s from my whatever-my-percentage-is Native American that I don’t actually know because my Grandma doesn’t identify with that ‘side’ and snaps whenever I inquire because ‘we’re not living on the reservation, so why should I care?’. And my mom was adopted so a slice of me will always be a mystery. Yes I’m privileged. And white (sort of). And I’m confused.
Yes and…
I’m American. And I have the privilege to live in the land of the “free” with a separation of church and state, and yet was brainwashed from age 5-18 to recite “One nation, under God indivisible for liberty and justice for all” to a flag with my hand on my heart. Then when I refused to stand up at age 13 because this pledge didn’t live up to my freedom standards my teacher sent me to the principles’ office. Ahem…land of the free? Well yes, I am free to travel anywhere in the world with my American passport while my Senegalese friends wait years to possibly never receive traveling visas. Yes I’m privileged. And white (sort of). And American. And… I’m confused.
Yes and…
I’m educated. And I have the privilege to think about questions like: where’s the separation of church and state within the public education system? And go on a little rant like below…
Is the separation implied in the ‘other’ religions or belief systems that are different from the almighty ‘God’ as referenced in our pledge of allegiance- these ‘other’ churches are separate from the state of safety? I see.
And why does our money say: In God We Trust? Hmmm. Which God? And who do we trust?? As in trust-funds? Well I can say I definitely don’t trust my funds to bring me to a state of safety under God. Our state of money and church don’t seem so separate there… Where is it separate then??? Let’s keep looking…
Oh! Does it mean the separation resides in people of color and their access to the ‘state of the free’? Because of redlining development in under-resourced neighborhoods and mind-manipulating with biases and conspiring by intentionally introducing crack to poor black communities and stratification in the education system from detention to jail tracks all built on a foundation of slavery? Even though I’m educated, I really only know jack shit.

Well here’s what I do know. I witnessed a separation of privilege between a regular class and an Advanced-Placement one here in Seattle at Washington Middle School during my undergraduate program at UW. Only people of color were in the ‘regular’ class- which was a much more chaotic state to learn in. And the Advanced-Placement white kids were on the track to just that, advance into places of privilege. Compared to my own regular middle school classes- which were highly organized and funded by a wealthy white Christian community in Gig Harbor. I am privileged even if my own family didn’t have the financial resources. I was still placed in advantage in an advancement-track because of my state of being supported by an organized and resourced church in my community. The separation between church and state? Well, if we consider the church we’re referring to is built by white men then yes, even in this Washington Middle School example there is a definite separation between which church you’re ‘in’ and the state of education you’ll receive. Ahhh. I see. So…not liberty and justice for all? Yes I’m privileged. And white (sort of). And American. And educated but know jack shit. And I’m still confused.
Yes and…
I’m Christian. Or, was. Being Christian meant having privilege and access to resources and opportunities and friends in my Gig Harbor community. It meant getting to go to camps where we got to sing and dance and connect with each other and nature and do all sorts of fun things my family couldn’t afford on our own. Seemed too good to be true. Then when I was 16 at a YoungLife gathering my “Leader” claimed that most of us would end up in hell because of our sins. I felt a burning rage so deep in my heart at those words because the Jesus I respected said ‘thou shall not judge’. Well I certainly judged that leader and his fear-driven statement, stood up defiantly that day at YoungLife, walked out and never turned back to the church. How dare anyone, especially in a leadership position, doom anyone to hell?, I declared to myself. And I still believe in Christ’s message despite Christians’ messages. I believe I was smart by listening to my gut, my discernment of character, and that sort of judgment I’m ok with.  Turns out years later this very “leader” had been sexually abusing his adoptive Pilipino daughter behind closed doors while keeping his 'good-willed' dogma soapboxing front. I’m doing my best not to mentally judge there, because self-righteousness is the very thing that plagued this whole story- and it’s the very thing that steered me clear. Yup, I’m privileged. And white (sort of). And American. And educated but know jack shit. And a former Christian who still loves the select teachings of Jesus that align with my values of freedom and love. And I’m confused.
Yes and…
I’m healthy. And I drink too much. Often when I’m alone because I may or may not have alcoholic genes and I may or may not know how to cope with all of my ‘states’ even though I try really hard to by meditating and connecting to nature and people and myself. I’m privileged. And white (sort of). And American. And educated but know jack shit. And a former Christian who still loves the select teachings of Jesus that align with my values of freedom and love. And healthyish. And I’m confused.
Yes and…
I’m a yoga instructor. Even though I’m not from India. Yes I’m privileged. And white (sort of). And American. And educated. And a former Christian who still loves the select teachings of Jesus that align with my values of freedom and love. And healthyish. And a cultural appropriator even if I don’t want to be. And I’m confused.
Yes and…
I’m wealthy. And I’m in debt. I’m doing my best to financially plan in my year of ‘adulting’ and finally taking full responsibility for every transaction I make, small or big. In this year of leaping into my Soma and Yoga work as a small business owner and choosing only to earn my money from integrity and authenticity by being radically transparent with myself and others. And I’m reading all sorts of financial therapy books and redefining my debt as ‘investments’ and becoming more and more transparent with myself and in my relationships in this dance of debt. Releasing my shame by voicing my money story to others, realizing I’m no one special in this story. Most of America is in debt, it seems. And I own my privilege of having the freedom of being in credit card debt. I at least had the credit in the first place… Can I give myself extra credit for having credit (debt)? Yes I’m privileged. And white (sort of). And American. And educated. And a former Christian who still loves the select teachings of Jesus that align with my values of freedom and love. And healthyish. And a cultural appropriator even if I don’t want to be. And abundantly in debt. And I’m confused.
Yes and…
I’m a woman. And even though I have not been sexually abused (knock on wood…wait, no don’t do that. Or do? What’s the safe saying?! I’m confused.), the MAJORITY of my female friends have. And it’s still happening every fucking day. From date raping to insidious sociopathic master-minding. More like master-bating. Hey! Maybe the solution is hidden in that last line? More masturbating vs. master-bating. Can all the rapists and sociopaths please please themselves through self love?? Or am I just naïve and prone to be the next ‘victim’ of sexual abuse?
Yes I’m privileged. And white (sort of). And American. And educated. And a former Christian who still loves the select teachings of Jesus that align with my values of freedom and love. And healthyish. And a cultural appropriator even if I don’t want to be. And abundantly in debt. And part of a sexually threated gender. And I’m confused.
Yes and…
I’m ‘pretty’. And I’m pretty embarrassed to say that, but I was called out as being ‘pretty’ by one of my Soma teachers to understand this bias so I can remain clear while working with my clients. And I own that I’ve used my ‘prettyness’ in the past to take advantage of situations for my own benefit. Probably still do unconsciously. I’d talk myself out of speeding tickets and talk myself into free concerts. I’d manipulate my language to get what I want. Yes I’m privileged. And white (sort of). And American. And educated. And a former Christian who still loves the select teachings of Jesus that align with my values of freedom and love. And healthyish. And a cultural appropriator even if I don’t want to be. And abundantly in debt. And part of a sexually threated gender. And am pretty...greedy and conniving. And smart. And I’m pretty smart for not giving a shit about pretty anymore. And I’m confused.

(To understand pretty, pretty please watch this brilliant Slam Poetry by Katie Makkai.)
Yes and... 

I’m single. And I’m in a devoted, sacred partnership growing from the compost of my past sexual dances with others. Some men, some women, some couples. Sometimes I was cheated on. Sometimes I was the cheater. Some dances I was the lead, others I was the follower. Each dance I learned new steps to trust myself, find my footing, open to my own unique song and love myself so radically that I can now offer that entirely in this current dance. I first had to dance with my inner-other. Finding my own masculine and feminine within. Each one unique and filled with brilliant lessons, and absolutely no regrets. I’m single, because I’m not “married”. But I am married to my spirit. Yes I’m privileged. And white (sort of). And American. And educated. And a former Christian who still loves the select teachings of Jesus that align with my values of freedom and love. And healthyish. And a cultural appropriator even if I don’t want to be. And abundantly in debt. And part of a sexually threated gender. And am pretty...greedy and conniving. And smart. And I’m pretty smart for not giving a shit about pretty anymore. And single but married to my spirit and devoted to my beloved. And I’m confused. 
Yes I am all of those things.
And... I’m confused.
Definition of confused: Make (something) more complex or less easy to understand.
When we truly show ourselves, honestly and without shame, the whole picture of our light and dark- we can reveal that we are all complex.  It’s that simple. And our systems- like the church and state- attempt to organize these complexities into categories. Into identities. To control the very wild nature of our complexities. No wonder I’m confused! Yes, and when we become radically transparent with ourselves and others, then we begin to set ourselves free from these delusions that we are not complex, unique and fucking beautiful in our confusion, in our differences.
By claiming our confusion, life starts becoming clear.
Yes, I am clearly confused. And I am clearly human.
<![CDATA[pelvic power]]>Mon, 11 Jul 2016 19:06:03 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/pelvic-powerPictureElvis
Let’s face it, humanity at large is in a bit of a power crisis. Ok, in a major one.
This power crisis can be found in all major systems: political, economical, educational, judicial, social, religious, medical, and so on. 

I'm going to enter metaphor-land to understand this global power crisis from an embodied lens. 
Let’s imagine the entire Earth as one human body, naming him/her/they “EarthBody”. The aforementioned societal systems are EarthBody’s digestive, endocrine, respiratory, reproductive, nervous systems, and so on.
As a Soma Practitioner and a Yoga Instructor, I’m particularly keen on focusing on the nervous system- or the way we communicate intelligence in our body. This type of intelligence I will equate to consciousness, where awareness provides knowledge. 
“When you know better, you do better.” –Maya Angelou

Zooming our lens out and looking at "EarthBody’s" nervous system as a whole, we are still predominantly operating in a fear-based survival mode competing over external resources in a hyper-reactive or chronically repressed state of being. Just glance at the news.
This way of existing on survival mode creates a very stressed, energy deficient, violent, sleep deprived, hungry, unsatisfied, dis-eased, depressed, totally distracted- are you still with me?-  reckless and less intelligent "EarthBody". This then translates down to the individual nervous systems where many of us are suffering from the same symptoms of dis-ease and imbalance of power based on external resources and external biases.
(Cue the Debbie Downer sound)
But wait! There is hope.
Right now there are highly intelligent healthy individual cells growing on "EarthBody" that are sending vital energy into the whole nervous system by plugging into true power. Let’s call these ‘Enlightened Cells’. These 'Enlightened Cells' are extremely contagious and are spreading the way of true power to every other cell on "EarthBody" that is open and paying attention to this power shift.
What is true power?
True power is internally sourced. 
The source of true power exists so deep within each of us that it cannot be stolen or lost.
WE humans are the individual cells on "EarthBody"! We have the capacity with our consciousness to become aware and masters of our true power.
For many of us, our true power source has been temporarily blocked and we simply need to open it up.
Why has it been blocked?
For external misuse or abuse of power. Or, false power.
False power is externally sourced.
Some reasons why false power sources exist include: fear, greed, ignorance, scarcity and... evolution.
This last reason, evolution, is our saving grace within this power crisis. We have evolved to where we are now with false power dynamics in our systems and resources, and we can consciously choose to evolve into a more intelligent being by redirecting our power source. To consciously choose to unplug from false power and plug into true power with every connection we engage in. To choose to evolve into highly intelligent 'Enlightened Cells' on this "EarthBody" by waking up. Or, choose not to, and stay asleep. 
Let the metaphors continue…
Imagine our life force, chi, spirit, prana, vertical tube, or whatever you want to call ‘It’, is a river flowing inside each of us.
Imagine this river would normally flow freely throughout our bodies providing us with the most efficient, clear, clean, self-regenerative and creative power.
Our river is dammed.
This dam is redirecting our true power for the benefit of external use- false power.
This dam lives in our pelvis, in the core of our being, and was placed by external authorities for the generation of false power.
Our internal dam is made from external authorities laying down feelings of shame, guilt and scarcity into our pelvis. This internal damming from external authorities is a current chronic disease targeting specific populations for control over bodies- including women, LGBTQ and people of color in the U.S. right now.
Some examples of external authorities include: our parents, our families, our community, our teachers, our doctors, our religious leaders, our law enforcement, our politicians, our institutions, our culture, our religion, our media, our education, our ideology, our… you get the point. Basically, any external relationship with a power dynamic. Which is pretty much most relationships.
But here’s the kicker. As long as we stay unconscious and engage in this false externally-focused power game too, we do the same damming in all of our relationships.
Double damn.
Just as we are damming up our EarthBody’s rivers, creating a temporary power source that has major long-term consequences on our entire ecosystem, we are damming up our own bodies.
We can choose to undam and let the powers within flow freely once again.
How? By freeing our pelvis like Elvis?! 

Yes, and...

By dropping below the surface of the mind and into the depths of our pelvis- into the intelligence of our bodies- so we can truly see, listen, feel and speak to what's actually happening with this power crisis in our own bodies. Right here. Right now. Once again, with awareness comes knowledge. 


By stopping this external false power game in our own relationships.

By paying attention and interrupting the negative blame/shame cycles we all get caught up in.

By braving to be radically transparent with ourselves and all relationships.

By digging deep into the roots of our own history, herstory, theystory and every story that is plagued by this false power play so that it may  heal.

By reclaiming our own AUTHORity over our unique and beautiful bodies so we each can re-rite our story with true power. True freedom. True love.

By re-sourcing to our deep well of wisdom within the reservoir of our own body where abundance and creativity awaits. Deep into the core of our being, located in the cauldron of our pelvisThis is our holy grail. 

We all have this power within to create the world we want to live in. 

“The Creator gathered all of Creation and said,
‘I want to hide something from the humans until they are ready for it.
​It is the realization that they create their own reality.’

The eagle said, ‘Give it to me. I will take it to the moon.’
The Creator said, ‘No. One day they will go there and find it.’

The salmon said, ‘I will bury it on the bottom of the ocean.’
The Creator said, ‘No. They will go there, too.’

The buffalo said, ‘I will bury it on the Great Plains.’
The Creator said, ‘They will cut into the skin of the earth and find it even there.’

Grandmother Mole, who lives in the breast of Mother Earth,
​and who has no physical eyes, but sees with spiritual eyes, said,

‘Put it inside of them.’
And the Creator said, ‘It is done.’”
-Sioux Myth 

I believe together we can become Enlightened connective tissue- or fascia- in EarthBody's nervous system. But first we must enlighten our own nervous systems by waking up to our Pelvic Power.

Now is the time for our true power to shine. 

Any other ideas how? I'm open.

Please share yours.


I'm currently creating a "program" (although I hate saying program, it sounds too 12-steppy...). Ok, I'm creating a quest to invite others to open to their own Pelvic Power. Here's a sneak peak:

Pelvic Power: Integrating Soma Bodywork, Yoga and Magic to Evolve Our Sexuality, Relationships, and Authentic Expression.
Why Pelvic Power?
Since humanity is born from our pelvis, I believe humanity will evolve from our pelvis. We simply just need to slow downlisten and create from our greatest source of power within… our pelvis. 

If you're curious to learn more about this Pelvic Power Quest, let me know.
<![CDATA[sacred and profane: the Heirophant]]>Mon, 06 Jun 2016 20:48:50 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/sacred-and-profane-the-heirophant
<![CDATA[sacred and profane: the emperor]]>Mon, 23 May 2016 20:02:57 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/sacred-and-profane-the-emperor
<![CDATA[sacred and profane: the empress]]>Thu, 21 Apr 2016 20:01:28 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/sacred-and-profane-the-empress
<![CDATA[sacred and profane: the priestess]]>Thu, 14 Apr 2016 20:04:11 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/sacred-and-profane-the-priestess
<![CDATA[quest-em #5: How do you show up authentically?]]>Tue, 12 Apr 2016 19:58:48 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/quest-em-5-how-do-you-show-up-authentically
<![CDATA[sacred and profane: the magician]]>Tue, 05 Apr 2016 19:58:02 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/sacred-and-profane-the-magician
<![CDATA[quest-em #4: what do you love about your body?]]>Mon, 04 Apr 2016 19:39:18 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/quest-em-4-what-do-you-love-about-your-body
<![CDATA[sacred and profane: the fool]]>Fri, 01 Apr 2016 19:44:10 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/sacred-and-profane-the-fool
<![CDATA[quest-em #3: who are your role models?]]>Thu, 31 Mar 2016 19:37:52 GMThttp://emboardway.com/blog/quest-em-3-who-are-your-role-models